btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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