Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I don't think brook has ever known best
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
