My friends, they love my intelligence
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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