Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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