peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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