I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
