Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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