I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
