I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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