I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize