Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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