I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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