her vagine was all disorganized.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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