let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's blow job season.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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