the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
