i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
