I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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