So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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