Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
