I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There's always time for handjobs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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