yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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