so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
