Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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