Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
