If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
zippers are such a cool invention
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
