I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
