Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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