I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
