Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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