Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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