i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
