you traded sex for a burrito?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
