our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
