just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
