So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize