Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
