I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
