I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
