The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again