Texts From Last Night

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  (559): View more from California

  you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you

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  (559): you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you http://tfl.nu/hdb5
  Replies (17) Good night (972) Bad night (3988)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC

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  (304): you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC http://tfl.nu/889w
  Replies (21) Good night (4659) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.

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  (716): You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked. http://tfl.nu/6dqf
  Replies (28) Good night (1345) Bad night (4875)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her

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  (716): Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her http://tfl.nu/fzg2
  Replies (5) Good night (754) Bad night (3609)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom

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  (630): i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom http://tfl.nu/c6lg
  Replies (17) Good night (1589) Bad night (4378)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.

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  (229): He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records. http://tfl.nu/dlha
  Replies (41) Good night (8966) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it

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  (310): I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it http://tfl.nu/jugc
  Replies (8) Good night (1195) Bad night (3622)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.

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  (952): i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware. http://tfl.nu/z086
  Replies (4) Good night (2649) Bad night (1646)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.

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  (419): I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama. http://tfl.nu/jhww
  Replies (4) Good night (1084) Bad night (949)
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  (408): View more from California

  I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.

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  (408): I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples. http://tfl.nu/z6gq
  Replies (2) Good night (414) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work

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  (613): He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work http://tfl.nu/ow4z
  Replies (9) Good night (445) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"

  (682): View more from Texas

  God please dont post that to facebook.

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  (817): you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe" (682): God please dont post that to facebook. http://tfl.nu/pwe8
  Replies (3) Good night (327) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?

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  (315): we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered? http://tfl.nu/k5ls
  Replies (10) Good night (593) Bad night (261)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.

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  (469): His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat. http://tfl.nu/3isl
  Replies (5) Good night (246) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.

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  (908): I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen. http://tfl.nu/v4tf
  Replies (4) Good night (525) Bad night (178)

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