yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
