Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(772): View more from Florida

you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted

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(772): you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted http://tfl.nu/vebg

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck

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(610): You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck http://tfl.nu/4xap

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(314): View more from Missouri

he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

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(314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy

Replies (25) Good night (15713) Bad night (1565)
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(410): View more from Maryland

She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

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(410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03

Replies (97) Good night (4561) Bad night (10065)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.

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(318): Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated. http://tfl.nu/sxgj

Replies (4) Good night (924) Bad night (2557)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...

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(781): I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing... http://tfl.nu/jqiv

Replies (6) Good night (2612) Bad night (1232)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.

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(617): I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch. http://tfl.nu/yicm

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle

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(610): You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle http://tfl.nu/ha8a

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(612): View more from Minnesota

it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust

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(612): it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust http://tfl.nu/y8q4

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(203): View more from Connecticut

You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car

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(203): You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car http://tfl.nu/3edo

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(614): View more from Ohio

Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter

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(614): Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter http://tfl.nu/3fce

Replies (6) Good night (1876) Bad night (787)
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(541): View more from Oregon

How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?

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(541): How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight? http://tfl.nu/vr15

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(386): View more from Florida

Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.

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(386): Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together. http://tfl.nu/96ms

Replies (3) Good night (854) Bad night (407)
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(212): View more from New York

Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight

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(212): Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight http://tfl.nu/x45a

Replies (1) Good night (615) Bad night (446)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto

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(412): Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto http://tfl.nu/ewc7

Replies (2) Good night (688) Bad night (297)

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