She's JV to your varsity
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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