the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.