There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
