i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
