now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
