Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
