I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize