So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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