I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
