i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
