Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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