I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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