she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
