Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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