Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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