Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
