yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
