Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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