When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
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He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!