I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.