i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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