Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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