If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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