She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
