literally had 100 drinks last night.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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