Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
