Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we're making bets on your personal life
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
