peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
