she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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