dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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