I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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